The last few days ....

9 months passed by ... n it really passed by fast i would say. I always believed, it would be the best phase of my life ... well i would not say I have been dissappointed. It was ROCKING!!
Huh ... now that I have come to the end of it, i have some mixed feelings - some words of thanks, some tears to shed for no great reasons (hormonal upheavals maybe!), some dissapointments and a lot of other things. And I do not have the slightest idea where to start from - 9 months are a long period you see. So don't mind my unorganized and jumping n hopping way of expressing things- but this feeling would never ever come back again I know. I wanted to treasure it for a lifetime to read it 10 years later and smile. Guess wat - my baby's coming!!
It all started with a feeling of emptiness in life - a feeling of going to the next stage, of wanting to reconnect with my childhood, of having the freedom, of having something i could say is mine, to love n play with, to come back to a warm home and waiting eyes striving to be with me only ... n so much more. I wanted a baby.
They say - "a woman becomes a mother when she conceives" - wasnt completely true in my case honestly. I could not relate to it at the first go until i heard the heartbeats one day- magical it was in the ultrasound test ... no wonder I badly missed Muksit.
One thing which is worth mentioning is, I have never been so pampered in life before. Where do I start with about the whole pampering details I have no idea about. But it was definitely special. Not only at home, but the whole world put me on some different world just because I was carrying. I will never forget what Vishal did for me all this while. Should I start with all the chach he got for me .. listening to all my tantrums n bearing them, bringing me books which i would never read ... oh I cant thank him enough. Thank you for all the love, attention and friendship I have been gifted with from you - and not to forget all the CHOCO LAVA!!! I really really appreciate your affection for Ruhi (who's not gonna b a girl i guess). You are an incredible dost.
Throughout this somebody who actually beared all my shoutings among a lot of others and whom i could manage to scare the shit out was SUNIDHI. Man, you were actually scared of me werent u? But baby, I could not do it with anybody else and u know it so so well. Some crazy moments we have shared during this time is unforgettable honey. Your terrace was a total bliss and wat a vent out, the pajama party and torned Tshirts - i still dn know how I managed to b so crazy in pics without a single drop of alcohol ... lol ... your birthday party - i thought it would be such a disaster specially with all that we have been going through those days ...but we surely ended up with a blast darling. And yeah, I agree i looked hotter than u on ur birthday with my short dress and everybody was cheering me up. Bloody attention freak that you are made us order a cake for u to cut... as if I dint know u. And yeah that guy behind that u were eyeing ... oh he danced so well. You have been there always - cant forget the fact that you did not go to any of your new year bash to be wth me, the parantha and aloo ki sabzee that you got for us in the hospital, bearing all my yelling and asking me to calm down - u r a complete dumb to think that not calming down will give me labor pain. I dont want to thank u for being such a great support and listening to the weepy me and happy me. I still dont know how u feel when u touch my belly feeling my baby ... but my baby surely loves u bebo ...
Dimpi - I have no words when it comes to her. She has been my strength all throughout. I cried with her, i laughed with her n i fought with her. Had she been not there i dont think i could have managed it so far. My almighty knows how much I mean that. God bless her with all happiness. I would only pray that I can be with her during her pregnancy and do the least that she has done for me. I owe you a lifetime sis - thank u.
Muksit - It could not have been possible without u baby. Well biologically and emotionally as well. You and I, think that it could have been a better situation. But maybe I have never been able to tell you how much i love u for loving me and for being there. You have seen me grow from a girl to a woman and now to a mommy. And we have grown together. I know you missed out on a lot of things, of the times that I could spend with kiddo to feeling his kicks .... not to mention that I missed you in every step. I only wish u took my cravings a bit more seriously. But deep in hearts i know u r what you are for me ... Thank u for loving me for who I am. I want to see u grow to a dad too.
He says - I m sad today because i would lose the copyright of exclusively mine tag for kiddo. Well, true it is .. I will miss u baby. I am waiting and very eagerly waiting for you sweetheart .. my bundle of joy.

My baby on the way..

Huh ... so its been long enuff now I havent come to jot down here. Well better things in life has been keeping me on my toes... I am PREGNANT!! Can u beat that?? It took a while for me too for that news to sink in though .. guess that happens with everybody ha. So here's d story for the past couple of months.
5th July, around 8 am we did the test and realised its positive. Obviously Muksit dint believe it and asked me to test again although I was quite sure I am pregnant. Nevermind, we did it again and there it goes...I have my baby coming my way ... yyiiippiiieeee!!!
Anyway, first trimester was crazy .. morning sickness which was not restricted to morning, mood swings, glow on my face gone for a toss ..etc etc. I used to shout at Muksit and almost everybody around and sometimes also took advantage of the attention I get ... khikhikhi ... all women does that. My first ultrasound was magical .. heard the heart beats .. around 145/min .. was crazy like a hoarse running. The second one was done when I had a lil spotting ... Yvonne, Cynthia and Aarti were with me. Thank God, everything was fine with the little bunny .. Yvonne saw it and had tears in her eyes. OK till now, Muksit hasnt seen it and so cant relate to it. He only takes care of me ...
I am now 19 weeks pregnant .. starting showing a little ... still getting all attention. I am gonna post every now and then my feelings now and few of the past.
CIAO...

me sad

Bad dat ... bad nights ... in fact it cudnt have been worse I guess!!
I keep wondering where do i go wrong sometimes. Everything I do is to make everybody around me happy. So why do i end up crying i dont understand. .. i thot i had loads to write actually ...but not really ..

my questions again ...

My mind at the moment is flooded with loads of questions.... questions to myself..i only wish there could have been google.com to answer them. This happens very rarely that I keep asking me questions but the reason is always the same without fail. This might be because the reason is the most important thing in life since the time its existence. Where did i go wrong this time. Opposites attract they say, but surely are times when they repel which proves all laws wrong. I'm always at fix analyzing what's the right way to react to these. Am I rightin sometimes doing what I feel like? Is there something in wanting to do this... cause it makes me happy. That's what I am people and I love it.
I am at the moment not liking the after effects... maybe because of yesterday tough I know you would deny it ... or maybe not. But this makes me feel very strongly that I would never do this again... which is not what I believe in. But i need peace, smiles around me all the time.. atleast when we are in a position to.

Faith

To some it might be just a word ... n sound of some alphabets and vowels tied together. To me it did....Unaware of the depth and meaning of faith u tend to go ways which we often do not realize the consequences.It made me stand nowhere... the future blurts out and the pain in the belly is way to unbearable. What's worst is, it might be forgived for sure but what leaves behind is a big scare and a fear for your entire life. Sorry just does not seem to be the word here .... its too small, tears do not fill in the wound at all, regrets ... well...only thing that i have after all that is regretting every moment and realizing the ugliness in me to have done something like that...The believe that it will never happen is something so distanced to u and that hurts the most... May the belief stay ....

The defined "Love" day

I have been wondering since the time I knew, what is the "valentines day" all about. Or to be more precise, why is the Valentine's day. I definitely respect the feelings of humans around to have a special way of telling their loved ones in this extra special day "I love you" Honestly, for me this day has never been special, not when I was in my first love, my matured, understanding love affair and not when I knew I'm actually in love and married the person. Unromantic eh?? Well if that defines it then be it.
Surprisingly expressing one's love and friendship is something I have always believe is so important. For this, i would however do it everyday, every moment instead waiting for a special day to celebrate or confess my love or propose. I may not be the most romantic person on earth, but I surely love romance. I honestly believe that "love keeps you alive" n will always do. This wonderful feeling of being love and owned by somebody you live for is just so amazing... Love makes you feel at the top of the world. Being a little selfish I would say, it brings back the glow in your skin. lol..
To the one I love ---
I wouldn't need a special day to say how much you mean to me... because everyday is made so special that I realize how much in love i am with you. Like my favourite song says "If never tomorrow never comes, I wouldn't want to let it go unsaid that you mean the world to me". Thank you for being there for me, my friend, my guide... my Valentine every day. You touched my heart with your love, you touched my soul with your presence.

TGIF... and the week

Well, I have got used to suprises at work .... when nothing good happens, I keep pondering when is it happening. A little appreciation, an acknowledgement of work sometimes makes your day. Well it atleast happens to me. I get the energy to work more.
The week actually was not bad. I am doing what I always wanted to do...marketing!! I am not sure if I am doing it all perfect, but i surely get satisfied by the end of the day and disturbed when sometimes I dont give in much time. Things went haphazard earlier.. with so many things to do... and I thot mayb i cud nt do it because of lack of time. But when they say I wud have to leave it ... i was OMG.. no ways m leaving it. Now m on it completely!! I wish to do more of it.
The other project also had some good news by the end of the week... more for the kids. I dint want them to lose their jobs. They just started their careers ya... i knw how it feels when u r asked to leave 4m ur first job w/o a f***ng good reason...it keeps a print u c.. like I will never go to EXL even if it gives 10 L per annum. lol ....
Talking of money, i really want Muksit to get a job by Feb ... with a huge package. I'll keep posted why ha ...